Explanation
by sherlocked-x
Summary: Remus and Severus were driven apart, and now the Potions Master wants to mend things. How will things work out for both of them? R&R!


It all started with a kiss.

The Daily Prophet had plastered images of Remus Lupin's lover on the front page for everyone to see – Severus Snape who looked thoroughly well-kissed, held by Charlie Weasley, of all people. It was bad enough that the whole Wizarding World knew about it. Certainly, it was worse when Lupin failed to see the article and was just informed – none to subtly – by a concerned colleague. That passed with Severus' frantic explanations about being drunk and such.

The next blow came just mere weeks after that first scandal – still with Charlie Weasley. The werewolf was devastated beyond words, and he ended his affair with the Potions Master with a mere note "_We're over."_, vanishing from his life shortly after that.

Their relationship wasn't perfect. Remus had always declared his love for Snape, but the dour man would only respond with a kiss – or even sometimes, a grope. Though he wouldn't verbally say how he felt, Remus knew his partner loved him through the little things he did. He was happy with that – until it ended.

Severus sent numerous owls, but the animal always returned with the letter still attached to its leg. Remus Lupin was untraceable. There was no sign of him at all.

Then one day, he was spied by none other than Snape, going out of a bookstore. The Potions Master followed the man straight to his house by a safe distance. When Remus shut and warded the door, his ex-lover made a split second decision and slipped a letter between the floorboard and the door. Without waiting for a response, he turned and apparated to his own personal hovel. 

_Remus,_

I am not an easy person. I never was. I can't explain how I work because frankly, I don't have that much of an idea too. I am so sorry I didn't have the balls to confront you or anything. I wanted some things to remain unknown. But it seems that it will be easier for both of us if I tell you.

What I'm going to reveal is something nobody but you will know - EVER. I have no plans of telling anyone else. I don't want to receive pity, but that's what I know they're going to give.

I want to be understood - because I don't even understand myself.

I don't react well to declarations of love because those words have been used too many times on me without meaning. My mother used it on me and I believed her... Only to find out that she didn't even give a damn about those words - she meant NONE of them. It's like I slipped into a trauma right after that. I can't receive those words without flinching... or doing something else I don't really give an ounce of thought on.

Right after that - right after I knew she really didn't love me or care for me even though I loved her (I still do. What she did didn't make any difference. I'm as stupid as ever.) - I closed myself to the world. I showed everyone I knew that I was a strong man. Well, bullshit to that. I was NEVER strong. I couldn't rein my emotions in. I would always cry, always let out a string of words (through writing or otherwise), always drink.

You can see my bitterness; my contempt against the world; my uncharacteristically huge ego; my pent up sorrow; my mask.

It's frustrating when I begin to think, write and ask myself questions. No matter how much I rack my brains, I just can't come up with answers.

I am fighting a battle within myself, and you just happened to be the one who kindled the fire... so it grew... and lashed out. I know it's unfair, and I am terribly sorry.

You were right. It was a mistake to forgive me that once, and it will be another mistake to once again forgive me. I don't deserve it. There's no telling if I will do it again or not. Who knows? I certainly don't. Well, you deserve this - an explanation. In the future, it might help us build back what was lost.__

_That is, if there will ever be a future where I'll be sane enough to mend broken pieces of my past._

S

Now Remus Lupin was not daft, and he knew Severus meant it. The Potions Master was never one for sentimentality, and it was clear that those words were from the bottom of his heart. He just had to know if it was really true. He had to confirm his suspicions.

A knock resounded on Snape's door, and he put on a resolute face before opening it. There stood Remus, the parchment held firmly on his hand. "Severus… do you mean this?" He asked in a strangled voice.

Rendered quite speechless, the addressed man could only nod. "Say it, Severus. Tell me." He was once again told.

Breathing deeply, the dark-haired man brought his obsidian orbs to meet those of his lover's, and said in a shaky voice, "I love you, Remus." 

**-FIN-**


End file.
